


Guilt

by TheUglyCat



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Angst, Death, Flashbacks, Guilt, Madness, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 00:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13283202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUglyCat/pseuds/TheUglyCat
Summary: It was storming today. The mud was sticking to their foots, the wind was blowing harshly in their faces, and the cold rain was ruining their suits, but the men couldn’t care less about that. After all, as Spy would say, it was a perfect weather for a funeral.





	Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> First fic, first time in tf2. I'm not english native, and this is purely for fun. Be nice, alright ?
> 
> Don't like ? Don't read !
> 
> Accents may sucks.
> 
> Written for a challenge for angst.

It was storming today. The mud was sticking to their foots, the wind was blowing harshly in their faces, and the cold rain was ruining their suits, but the men couldn’t care less about that. After all, as Spy would say, it was a perfect weather for a funeral.

The sound of thunder joined a strike of lightning on the ground as the group of men gathered around the small coffin in the graveyard. The body in was hidden by a white sheet, the thin frame of the boy not even fitting in the big box. He wasn’t mean to go.  
Not so soon. 

As he took off his helmet, Jane slowly did the military salute, trying to remain strong and to refrain his tears. Despite all he would have thought, he had no speech to say. The silence was telling enough. Engineer did the same, putting off his helmet while looking down. He saw his teammate on the verge on crying, and put a hand on his shoulder as a reflexe of comfort. The failed commander gazed blankly at the texan, asking desperately an explication, but Dell couldn’t answer and just sigh sadly while avoiding the stare of their usually so happy partner.

Heavy was the first to threw something in the grave. It was some sort of sculpted figurine, representing a famous black celebrity. Then followed Demo, and Pyro. Sniper watched sternly as one by one, all the mercs threw something in the grave : a plush, a feather, a empty can of Bonk!, ect… He decided not to join the group, as he remained a professional and shouldn’t be affected by that sort of events. But when he saw the last item being thrown, and Tavish breaking in tears as the coffin was being buried, he couldn’t help but felt a hint of pain in his chest, strangely mixed with a seeking feeling of blue and sorrow.

Spy wasn’t present for the funerals. No matter how much glares and remarks he received, he still didn’t went for the dark event, stating he had better things to do. He affirmed that he was prepared for it anyway, that they should be expecting this kind of thing to happen and they were the foolish one to had gotten attached so easily. But Mundy knew that he would come back here to mourn too, he’ll just wait for everyone to be gone, to be sure no one can see him drop the mask and finally let out his feelings. 

They all stayed like this for a while ; Dell comforting Tavish, supporting him and telling him comforting words as the scottish man burst in tears, unable to say anything. Pyro was next to the grave, humming gently some lullaby to the lost one, while trying to light a match under the overwhelming rain. Heavy was joining his hands in a silent prayer, as Medic stood next to him, emotionless, and Soldier just seemed lost in his thoughts, kept unmoved.

Finally, the group left. Sniper decided to go first, almost in a hurry, as the feeling in his chest was becoming even more and more suffocating. Heavy followed, his step slow and marked, and Dell quickly encouraged Demo to do the same, who was still sniffling and silently sobbing. It was hard for Engi to not give in himself and cry out, but he had to stay strong, for the sake of the team. Pyro waited to finish his song then kissed the grave stone and promise to come back, before walking reluctantly toward Sniper’s van. The only left were Soldier and Medic.

Jane drifted his eyes back from the grave toward the german. Medic was standing straight, his coat dirty of mud and swinging violently against the wind, his eyes hidden between his glasses were looking far away. He seemed so cold, so distant. Of a crooked voice, Jane whispered :

\- Why ...? 

Ludwig turned his gaze toward the desolated soldier. His clothes soaked wet, his helmet lying and his clear eyes filled with tears looking scared and lost as he repeat his question. As if Medic had the answer.

 

_____

Bullets flew in the air as the doctor ran the fastest he could. His legs were hurting and his right arm bleeding, but he didn’t had the time to think : someone needed his help.  
______

 

Ludwig grinned. How funny. Even after all that happened, Jane really though he knew ?

______

\- Medic ! Mediiiiiiic ! Need some help here ! Oh C’mon, doc !  
______

 

How pathetical of him. Medic chuckled under his breath, and looked back at him.

\- You really didn’t understand, did you ?

 

_____

He knew he was too slow. The enemies behind him were getting closer, and closer, and he wasn’t fast enough, and the wound were hurting and where the fuck-  
\- Medic, ovah here ! Ya hear me ?  
Relieved, Ludwig rushed toward the boston boy, who winced in pain.

_____

 

\- …

Soldier just stare blankly at him. Somehow, the sight became so hilarious that Ludwig bursted of laughter, his face twisting and his laugh echoing in all the graveyard, making Jane shiver, just like if he saw something very wrong happening.

\- I don’t know ! I don’t know neither, herr Soldier ! Ah ah ah.. it’s so.. it’s so odd, your face !

 

______

Medic’s eyes widens at the sight of the wound on Scout. A big wound cut through his chest was bleeding heavily, half of his right leg was missing and his left shoulder was mangled in a bloody mess. It was a miracle he was still alive at this point.

\- Finally ! God man, I’ve been callin’ ya for hours-  
\- Ja, ja i know. Lay down, i will take care of your wounds now.

Scout pouted, but the pain was still there and he wasn’t going to disobey against the doc’s order. He started cleaning the wounds the best he could, tearing off the clothes getting in the way, shutting his eyes as he heard a bomb exploded near their hideout. They would be soon discovered, and needed to move, but there was no way Scout could be moved. He would die if he even lost a bit more of blood, and they needed mens right now.

______

 

\- Oh, wait… are you crying …? Ah ah ah… I can’t believe it…

Soldier didn’t said anything, he knew the doctor was right. And him who promised to himself to stay strong. What a poor excuse of a soldier he did.

 

_____

\- I’m not gonna make it, right doc’ ? Be honest a second. Hey doc ! I’m talkin’ to you !  
\- Uh ? 

Medic was too busy trying to patch the best he can the young man. God, why was he so slow, why his medigun had to be broken during an explosion, why that kid was talking so much ?!

And more important than that, why was the blood quitting his body so quickly ?  
_____

\- Ah… but look at me, mein freund… I am crying too ! Ah ah ah, isn’t it hilarious ? We are complete messes !

Medic was long gone, laughing and crying like a maniac, but Soldier wasn’t scared like he usually would, not even weirded out. No, he just felt empty.

 

_____

The enemies were dangerously approaching, medic could hear their footsteps, he could hear them coming but he didn’t had the time to hide, he had no time for all that and far away he hear the call of a teammate dying, the sound of flames burning to death someone, and  
the footsteps getting nearer, and nearer-

\- DOC’ BEHIND YA !!!

In a swift motion, medic gripped his saw and swung on his feet, stepping a few step back and avoiding by the same way the deadly hit of a spy. He quickly replied by transpercing his stomach and pushing the body away, scowling.

\- Danke, herr Scout.  
\- No problem. Also, ya think you can fix me up ?  
\- (Sigh) I will try my best, but i don’t promise you anything… you are in pretty much horrible state.

Scout laughed at that, before coughing blood violently. Medic kneeled down and scolded him, telling him to be more careful.

_____

 

\- Do you wanna know ?! Do you really wanna know why Scout died, Herr Soldier ?!!

Medic shouted those words, smiling as tears ran down his cheeks, mixing with the rain and mud on the ground. Jane stayed quiet. He had a burning feeling in his guts making him wanna threw out, that he couldn’t somehow shake away.

_____

\- Ya should go without me, doc’. I’m not gonna make it.  
\- Tsk, don’t be dramatic.  
\- Doc’ ! Half of mah leg is missin’ ! I can’t go anywhere like that !  
\- …  
______

 

\- We killed him, Soldier ! We KILLED him, and yet we are here mourning his death ! Isn’t it ironic ? Ah ah, ah ah ah aH Ah AH AH !

_____

Scout stares intensely at the ex-doctor, who keep trying to patch him up the best he can.

\- I could still carry you. Don’t underestimate me because of my age.  
\- DOC’ !!!

Medic glanced at the ground, slightly pouting. He hated being inapt to cure his patient, the feeling of being useless haunted him in the night and kept him from sleeping.

\- C’mon doc’.

Medic turned his gaze toward the young man. He handed a gun toward him, showing off to finish him. He was half grinning, but his eyes were full of pain and fear.

______

 

\- No, I killed him !! That’s right, I was the one who end his life, who murdered him senselessly, without even a doubt !!!

_____

\- You know you hate that.

Scout smiled even wider, and pushed even further the gun in Ludwig’s hand.

\- C’mon, we all know you enjoy it, ya big frickin’ psychopath ! Don’t make me beg for it !

Medic considered it for a second, then accepted the gun and loaded it. The look of fear in Scout’s eyes intensified.

\- ...alright.

He looked back at the frightened boy and smiled reassuringly.

\- Don’t worry. I’ll make it quick, it will be like nothing happened.  
\- Wha- what, I’m not scared, pfffh ! I die like- ten times per day ! I am basically immune to pain now, I don’t feel nothin-  
\- Alright, I guess you need no warning from me then.  
\- No no NO WAIT !!!!

Medic grinned at the panicked tone in Scout’s voice. The boy was sometimes too cocky for his own good, and Ludwig was taking pleasure in reminding him what he really was.

\- Yes, Herr Scout ?  
The bostonian hesitated but finally sigh and looked the other way, shutting his eyes firmly and clenching his fist.

\- ..See ya at the base.  
\- The same goes for you, herr Scout.

Ludwig kneel down and ran a hand through the young boy’s hair. Surprised by the touch, Scout relaxed. Medic didn’t hesitated and shot right through his brain, while he wasn’t paying attention.

A painless death, just like he asked for.

______

 

Medic’s laugh ended. Soldier kept silence, the feeling in his chest worsening. Now… Ludwig just stared down at his hands. Emptiness filled him, and with a soothing voice, he whispered :

\- You feel like that too, right ?

He nodded slowly.

\- Do you know what this feeling is, herr Soldier ?  
\- ...

Medic glanced directly at him, his eyes glittering with melancholy, and answered quietly, forming words on his lips slowly.

It was guilt.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading ! Don't hesitate to leave a comment or a kudo, or remarks ! Hope you liked it !
> 
>  
> 
> Music listened during writing :  
> Sunset Lover - Petit biscuit  
> Bleach - Anatu  
> La da De Du - Yoe Mase  
> Destiny - Neffex  
> Colors - Hasley  
> Hollywood Horror - Dropout  
> Heathens - Twenty One Pilot  
> No Hands - it’s different & forever M.C. (ft Blackbear)


End file.
